you live and you learn... especially as a teacher.

So it’s done and over, summer institute in Atlanta is over. It couldn’t have come sooner in some aspects (I don’t know how many more sessions over behavior management I could have sat through or how many more days I could have passive-aggressively fought for more control within the four person collaborative group) but I really, truly wish I could have had 10 more years with my students. They worked so hard (most days) but there were many that I left feeling as if I didn’t give enough to really make a difference, William* for example. William was a student that in the beginning just sat in class saying little, doing even less, and feeling as if he could get by doing these things; I pushed Will to really do his work and one day he had a meltdown. At the end of the day I talked with Will about how he had to really do the work we were giving him if he wanted to go on to high school, which he did.

I gave Will a note that included my phone number and told him to reach out to me if he needed help on homework. Will began to text me about homework and just about his day or asking me how I was doing; he always had a text signature of “Dimples” which I guessed came from his big smile that left dimples framing his face. The day after texting with “Dimples” I got a text from Will with the text signature of “Southside Crips” I had inklings before, like when he refused to use the red Marker I gave him to write with or when he started getting into it with students in other classes in the school which we had been told was predominately from Bloods neighborhoods.  Will couldn't focus in class and we started to suspect that he was coming into school high; an eighth grade student was not only in a gang, his father was in the same gang and someone was probably giving him drugs before he came to school everyday.  I never even called home.

I didn't reach out to anyone else in his life, figuring if he was in a gang his family knew and didn't care.  I said I tried to do everything I could but all I did was talk to a 13 year old boy who probably wasn't even in the right state of mind when I talked with him the first time.  I continued to press Will to work during class and texted him in the evenings to remind him of homework and even called him the night before the CRCT, their end of the year, comprehensive test. He came the last day of the session and seemed to have his head on straight.  I tried one more time to press upon him the importance of staying straight if he wanted to achieve his goal of becoming a Navy Seal and he seemed to have a better understanding of what I was telling him.

I haven't heard from Will since I left Atlanta and I'm afraid to contact him, knowing that I didn't only fail him personally but I also had to give him a failing grade in my class, which probably landed him back in the eighth grade.  So as  school has started and I'm waiting to hear about a teaching position in Memphis I remind myself that I have to do all I can push my students inside my classroom.  I know that I can't control everything in my students lives or fix all of their problems but I do have to push them to achieve everything they can academically and hope that their ability to achieve academic success will spiral into their confidence about other aspects of their lives.

I will push myself to hold my student accountable; I will push myself to do everything within my locus of control; I will push myself everyday for Will.

**Name changed.

Oooh, we're half way there!

Oh. My. God. We have less than 2 weeks left teaching summer school and I can't believe that I don't get to stay with these kids for another 10 weeks.  Since my first post a lot of time has passed and I've learned so much.  Let's take time for a short recap, shall we?

Week 1 (May 30 - June 4) - Induction into the Memphis Corps, in Memphis, TN
We learned about what Teach For America is doing in Memphis, we listened to our core values, we talked about diversity and what to expect at Institute and what to expect during our two years in Memphis.  We also reflected about how we were feeling, a lot. Don't get me wrong, but there's only some many ways I can relate why I choose to do Teach For America to anything, it all begins to sound like the same thing just related in a different way.  The good thing about our induction is that the Memphis Corps came to Institute ready to make a difference, to serve and learn, and to put in the work that we knew we would have to.  We also had bonded as a group and I'm so happy to be a part of the best Corps at the Atlanta Institute, as I've been told, "Memphis corps members are kind of crazy. You know, in a good way, but still crazy."

Week 2 (June 5 - June 9) - The First Week of Institute, in Atlanta, GA
This is when we learned what to expect in the classroom, what lesson planning meant and how to do it, what a behavior management cycle was and how to implement it, how to invest our students in their own learning and the learning of the class as a whole.  We all were taking our first sips of the TFA Kool Aid and we were liking what we tasted, by Thursday I was itching to get into my classroom with the rest of the Collaborative Group (my Collab).  We were all exhausted from waking up at 5:30, eating breakfast, getting our lunch and getting on the buses by 6:45, or otherwise catching a cab to get to school by 7 AM.  We sat through our sessions, observed veteran teachers, talked about what we were thinking about the whole idea of teaching.  In the evenings we get back and I eat dinner, then it's striaght to lesson planning until bedtime at (hopefully no later than) 11 PM, then it all starts over again the next day.  Then late Thursday night, I begged a ride off of one of the other teachers in my Collab and caught a flight to Indianapolis my sister's wedding.

Weekend 2 (June 10-14) Wedding Weekend, in Indianapolis, IN
This was a fun little break in the teaching action, but not much of a restful weekend. I had asked the institute people to take the Friday of the wedding off since I wanted to be there for all of the festivities so I got to miss one day of our sessions.  I got in to Indianapolis in the wee hours of the morning where my gracious mother picked me up, we got back to the house around 1:30 AM and were quickly asleep, it seemed like no time at all before we were up and running off to our mani-pedi appointment with the bride-to-be, our family, and her soon to be in-law's.  We ran about doing errands and since both of my sisters get to live outside during the summer, I grabbed a spray tan to try to not look like the ghosty sister next to them.  We decorated and set up the barn in preparation for the reception and headed off to the church for the rehearsal and then Tommy rolled into town in time for the rehearsal dinner downtown.  The bride and groom had the wedding party over to their house for a couple of drinks.  The next day was a whirlwind of hair and late make-up artists, dresses and pictures downtown on the canal, then rushing back to get married.  The night was filled with Christmas lights, dancing, food, margaritas and gin and 7's, laughing and love. We wrapped up the weekend with a brunch with the in-laws and opening all the loot.

Week 3&4 (June 12 - 25)  First Weeks of Teaching, in Atlanta, GA
These first two weeks teaching were definitely a learning experience.  My collab and I worked to invest our students in their own future by creating a class theme and making them think about how what they do this summer will effect the rest of their lives.  We're teaching 8th Grade Math and it's all high stakes.  Students in Georgia have this test, the CRCT, that they have to pass to move on to the next level in school and my students this summer have to pass to go on to high school.  If they don't pass they'll spend another year in middle school.  Technically our goal isn't that all of the students pass, but that they grow as much as they can in the four weeks we get them, so far we're doing a pretty ok job.  It's so hard not to blame their teachers from the year before when every lesson I teach they act as if they've never seen the material before.  As my collab and I struggle to cover material in four weeks that is typically covered in a whole year, we learn more and more about our students and how we can engage them in their goals and their education.

We're still doing a lot of reflecting but we're really reflecting on our impact and what our strengths in the classroom are and how we can use those strengths to help us in the areas where we aren't learning as fast.  I for one believe that my ability to really talk to students in a genuine nature, where I do really want to know why they are making the decisions that they are making, allows me to connect to my students - investing myself in their success and getting them to invest themselves in me and the things that I'm teaching them.  My weaker areas? Time Management.  In case you haven't met me, my name is Abby. I like to talk and I don't like to see people make mistakes that I know I can keep them from making.  This doesn't work so well in the class so I'm pushing myself to allow my students to make their own mistakes so they can have that experience and learn from it in a safe environment where they don't shut down and refuse to learn after failing.

We've had some fun too.  Friday our school went out for dinner and drinks and just got some time to be around each other when we weren't all freaking out about our lessons or trying to keep ourselves awake in the afternoon because we had two lesson plans due the night before or we were working to make posters to fill our classroom with a plethora of math ideas.

Me and some of my fellow teachers and support staff from my school.

I've taken my break from lesson planning long enough, it's back to the grind.  Send some love!

The start of something new

So, this is it.  I'm a college graduate.  There was one day packing up and leaving Transy and unpacking at home in Indy.  There was one day packing and celebrating with family.  There was one red-eye train ride.  There is Memphis. There is Teach For America. Woh. Yeah, this is real life.  It's not some elaborate dream that I'm floating through but real life; a real two year commitment to real students in a real place and I'm here waiting to start.

We've had two (really full) days here so far and it already seems like it's been much longer.  At first it was awkward, it was really awkward, especially since when I met the first of the corp members Monday morning I was groggy and tired after the restless sleep on the train the night before but I was excited.  I was excited to meet people and have a roommate to hang out with and to experience a little of Memphis.  I got my key and to my surprise and disappointed found that I was in a single room, roommate-less.  I took it with a grain of salt and used the rest of the morning to nap in my empty, quiet room.

The first afternoon we met with our Transition Team Leaders (TTL) and played ice-breakers with the rest of our TTL group.  For one of the first times in my life, I was grateful for icebreakers.  It felt like the first day of summer camp and I didn't have any friends from the year before, thankfully I don't think I was alone in that.  We made it through.  We made it through the long sessions on the theory of the problem in the achievement gap and the theories of change.  We made it through the chats with alumni and community leaders at dinners.  We made it through the first, most awkward stages of socializing as a group.  We're making it through, slowly but surely.